Wednesday, 5 April 2017

MY 20 FUNNY ROBERT MUGABE QUOTES...LOL

If there is one African president that cracks me up silly with his quotes, its the president of Zimbabwe, President Robert Mugabe. Born 1924 and is 93 years old, he has governed Zimbabwe since 1987. I don't know if some of these quotes are directly connected to him, but they seem to be very humorous but very insightful too. Here are a few of them, feel free to drop more in the comments section.



1- We are living in a generation where people "in love" are free to touch each others private parts but cannot touch each others phones because they are private - Robert Mugabe (2016)

2- If you can shave your eye brows completely and draw them back with an eye pencil, don't ask for money to make your hair. You can equally shave your hair bald and draw the weave of your choice

3- Nothing makes a woman more confused than being in a relationship with a broke man who is extremely good in bed.

4- When God gives you beauty without brains, private parts suffer the most

5- If you are ugly, you are ugly!!! Stop walking around and talking about inner beauty, because we don't walk around carrying x-rays.

6- The only white man you can trust is a dead white man

7- Sometimes you look back at girls you spent money on instead of sending it to your mum, and you realize witchcraft is real.

8- In Africa, the only warning they take seriously is "low battery"

9- Its hard to bewitch African girls these days, each time you take a piece of their hair to the witch doctor, either one innocent Brazilian woman runs mad in Brazil or a factory in china catches fire

10- If you are in love with more than one person, then what is inside you is no longer a heart, its a memory card.

11- Africans have no time to rest, even after you die you will still work as an ancestor

12- Even Satan is not gay, he approached naked eve and not naked Adam

13- Some girls have never seen a gym, but they look physically fit because they keep running from man to man.

14- Dear ladies, if your boyfriend doesn't wish you happy mothers day, then stop breast feeding him.

15- Respect pregnant women because it is not easy walking around with evidence that you have had sex

16- If you are a married man who finds himself attracted to school girls, just buy your wife a school uniform.

17- Being dumped by a dark skinned girl is the worst thing ever, because anytime you get home and see charcoal, you become emotional

18- If all the women in the world decide to pause sex until the cure for AIDS is found, men will find the cure in 30 days

19- It is better for a man to be stingy with his money because he hustled for it, than for a woman to deny you a hole that she didn't even drill

20- Racism will never end if people keep using white cloths for weddings and black cloths for burials.

Thursday, 9 June 2016

FREE THE NIPPLE CAMPAIGN.......OMG!! HUNDREDS STEP OUT ON BRIGHTON BEACH BARE WITHOUT TOPS....



How far will you go as a person to proove equality, for women empowerment and freedom? will you do just anything to proove men are women are equal in every sense?
 FREE THE NIPPLE campaign is a movement which fights for women to be allowed to go topless in public, it has gained popularity after the daughter of a popular American actor Bruce willis walked half naked through the streets of New York, though its been practiced for years, but this move by Scout Willis sparked it up some more. 

So a huge crowd of women and men stripped off their tops and left themselves bare chested and breasted to campaign for women to have the right to walk around with their nipples before the entire universe in order to change the perception of the public to a woman's nudity. They say part of their reason is because (1) Instagram/twitter doesn't allow women show a nipple, (2) men had same problems in time past and overcame them, so they believe women too should be given equal treatment too, (3) According to them, its just a "nipple". What trouble will one small nipple cause? lolzzz

Lots of people have reacted to this in both negative and positive ways, trust our Nigerian women, they cant come last. Some went ahead to support it by mouthing it, so we said "oya remove your bra and lets see" she replied by saying "wetin you wan see? you want make your eye blind? i support doesn't mean i will do it" we laughed and  asked "haba aunty!! can you choose one struggle biko"? Some very funny comments came through too, some said the women initiating this have epilepsy of the brain and are just seeking mumu attention, others said this is just a group of women hungry to go back to the garden of Eden just as God created us.... I personally think that its just because their weather isn't as hot as our own down here, even with the economic wahala plus the scorching sun alone in Nigeria that fries the brain, you wont attempt it, not to talk of the random street guys who will jump on you to milk life out of you just because you presented them with bobbi in the name of campaign. For a second, Imagine if men decided to go without boxer shorts and trousers to campaign against fuel hahahaha, i'm dead sure a lot of women will scream "oga who your John Thomas help?". But really though, imagine this protest happened in Nigeria, some naija boys will sit from a distance, fix their eyes only on every female chest they see and begin to suck from that distance, women will start screaming from everywhere that invisible hands are on them hahaha, while the guys responsible will just walk home later smiling and feeling accomplished lwkmd.....Sometimes over civilization can worry people. We might wake up one day and hear of other campaigns like "hot slaps to fight against dollar rise" "non brushing of teeth to fight against cancer" "public love making to fight against police brutality" "a night with the dead, to fight against how corpse are being treated".......i could go on and on but my point is this, at what point do we draw the line? are there other ways we can pass across our point? do you think this move is bold and daring and should be encouraged? let me hear your opinions.

R.I.P "BIG BOSS"....... Stephen Keshi

   Nigeria and infact Africa has lost another legend, He is Stephen Keshi, one of the best things to happen to Nigerian football. According to reports, he died after a heart attack at the age of 54 in Benin city Nigeria. He lost his wife Mrs Kate Keshi on the 9th of December 2015 and since her death, it is said that Mr Keshi has not been himself. They where married for 35 years before loosing her to cancer which she had battled with for three years. He had continued to mourn her and became hypertensive and had to even asked friends to please stay in touch with him.

   He represented Nigeria for 14yrs, He was also part of the team that represented Nigeria in the African cup of Nations in 1994 which Nigeria won. He was appointed Coach over the Nigerian Super Eagles in 2011 and guided Nigeria to win the cup of Nations in 2013, setting the record as the only man to have won the cup both as a player and as coach. He also managed Togo 3 times as well as Mali. He is fondly remembered for helping Togo qualify for their first and only appearance at the World Cup finals.

   Known as the "BIG BOSS", he was very much a leader and would be remembered for his strong wit and command of African football politics. Popular players such as Joseph Yobo who played under him said "Africa has lost a legend, i have lost a leader and an idol".

   May his soul Rest in Peace. Amen.

Wednesday, 1 June 2016

Ogbolor Gathers Lovers Together in "5 & 6 love event

View Fun Photos From The Event, ......"5 & 6" lovers Soiree With Ogbolor
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It was all fun at the ‘5 n 6′ ....A Lovers Soiree with Ogbolor’. Late Night show host and Comedian Michael Uba aka Ogbolor decided to do something different from the regular comedy shows, instead he brought lovers, friends, fans and guests together at the Monty buffet, Karimu Ikotun, Victoria Island, Lagos where personalities converged to have fun. The show was well attended as media personalities came out in large numbers to support their very own. To add some spice to the evening, games where played, couples came out to do something beautiful for their other half, and a guy even proposed to his long time girl friend. Ogbolor intends for this to be a yearly show to celebrate love and lovers.
The audience were thrilled by beautiful performances by Niniola, Monica Ogah, Isaac Geralds amongst others. Also, personalities in attendance includes, Yaw, Lolo1, Igos, Che Che smith and Hobby Deji fahremi, Roby and Mayowa Ekpo, Nedu, Tuale, Uzo(Wazobia Fm), Emma Oh Ma god, Samuella Elumelu, Joyce Uba (ogbolors twin), Yettisho, Edewor, Babahkay, Mc Shaggy, Dr Kemi, MC shakara, Elenu and more….and to bless their son, the senior Pastor of DAVIDS CHRISTIAN CENTER, Pastor Kingsley Okeke and his wife where there to support their own.
View fun photos below…
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CELIBACY!!!!!! SEX NOW BEFORE I DIE o!!



   Okay this matter has been worrying my young brain to share for sometime now and its the issue of staying celibate until marriage. but first what is celibacy seff? it may have different definitions but for sake of some reading this i will keep the definition simple. Celibacy is basically you deciding to stay away from sex for the rest of your life or until marriage for several reasons best known to you. If you have been sexually active before now, this will be one tough decision to make considering urges and your hormones running crazy and mine wasnt any different. I recently got engaged and we decided to stay celibate until marriage and oh boy it has not been anything near easy at alllllll, notice i had to bold that part? that's my true confession walahi...... i bite my slippers to this one.
   I woke up one day and all hell broke loose, body just start to dey catch me, i had been away from sex for months now and that morning my body started talking, i felt fat and heavy like my body had become full! i looked in the mirror and could have sworn my head had gotten bigger like it would burst open soon, i tried calling my fiancee to negotiate with her on this decision but i knew i would hear her preach so i didn't bother, i decided to pray but my brother the matter didn't change, i suddenly realized i was angry at people that day at the office for no reason, infact one security guy greeted me outside "good morning oga ogbolor" i screamed at him "what is good about the morning!!! cant you see fuel price has increased and president Buhari isn't in the country?" but something inside me was asking me, "uncle what has fuel price and the president got to do with a simple greeting"? i knew i was just angry because like the boys would say"my body don full". I spent days angry, moody, switching from mood to mood, i could sum it up in just one word!! ....konji.... konji is a very wicked spirit i tell you, walahi!! after many days in this new crazy state, things started going out of control, ugly girls started looking hot in my eyes, i would find myself laughing hard at unnecessary jokes from the ugliest girl around me, i even suggested taking one dwarf friend on a date, even the girl looked at me like "is all well?". One morning i sneezed and i could swear German juice was dropping from my nose, this was when i knew something had to be done or else...... So i summoned all the courage and called bae, before i even landed she had quoted two scriptures to me and ended it with "you will not die", my jaw dropped and i think i felt like the biggest fool on earth. I stepped outside frustrated and shaking like i needed a quick fix, at the back of my head a voice whispers "go use vaseline or soap" hahahahaha i had to pause typing here to laugh hard, its funny now but it wasnt funny back then o, but the thought of "helping myself" irritated me still but same voice said "oga you never ready, you will just die for nothing, or do you wanna cheat?" cheating wasnt even an option since i had promised never to do that but mehhhn i needed to cure this crase.
  I stepped outside the house only to see a friend who asked me why i was adding some weight, "was it that obvious? so much carbohydrate in my system" well, i narrated the story to him and he in turn narrated his own to me and how his own caused him some psychological wahala, he said ............

"i came outside my house one day after months of intended celibacy and denial from my woman and found a chicken pecking at some corn on the floor, i don't know why but i stared at it for a while and even the poor chicken felt molested and all of a sudden it took off for no reason, i looked up to see if a hawk was roaming in the air but naaaaa, the fowl ran away from me o (laughs). A few days later, i saw a goat eating some grass and stood again staring at this goat, it turned and stared back at me, and for a few seconds we had a moment, eyes locked on each other and next thing i could have sworn it winked at me, i was startled but then it looked like it smiled and looked away, i asked myself "was this goat seducing me?... i kept walking behind it watching it sway its hips away, at this point i knew an evil spirit had taken over, i got closer and rubbed my hands on its back but suddenly the goat owner gave me a slap that re-formatted my brain, i must have stared so hard at that goat because next day i heared the goat died from shock"

........i laughed so hard after his story, and imagined myself in the news with headlines like "COMEDIAN OGBOLOR CAUGHT NAKED BEHIND A GOAT" lolzzz God forbid bad thing, see me thinking i was the only one i didnt know we had worse people haha but he encouraged me since he had been through it and somehow i found strength. Next day i woke up and all the crase had gone, Praaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiseeeeeeeeee the Loooooooord!!!! i took a cold shower and i was okay again. Listen, If you have made this choice to stay celibate till your wedding for whatever reason, maybe to get closer to God, to avoid STDs, to bond better with your partner outside sex, understand that the very time for temptation will come for you to compromise, but seek help either way and you will find it, don't bulge, speak to someone, avoid temptations that could make you compromise and stay faithful to your decision okay? Sex no be government work o!! lolz

Tuesday, 3 May 2016

DOWN MEMORY LANE AGAIN .....REMEMBER WHEN YOU DID THESE AS KIDS?

  Sometimes i just love to sit and smile over memories from childhood, in this crazy and insane times, you just have to find a way to make yourself smile if not eh the stress can run you mad. Growing up as kids down here in Lagos Nigeria, you where either called a "kpako" kid (meaning you grew up in the crazy and hard areas of the state, Kpako kids are assumed to be stronger and wiser, they can face any situation and cant be cheated) Or if you grew up in the very luxurious areas of town then you where called an "ajebutter" kid, these kids where seen by kpako kids as the fortunate ones, grew up in choice areas called "rich man area", they went to expensive schools, where assumed lazy and couldn't speak pidgin English lol. An average kpako kid always felt hate, jealousy, or envy for an ajebutter child and felt they will take down any ajebutter kid that came their way. But for me, growing up was a perfect mix of both lives, and till date i'm glad to have done so many things in our kpako neighborhood but also blessed to have experienced the butter life as a kid. So what breed am i then? anyways......
  So today, i stumbled across some activities that so many of us "kpako" and some "ajebutter" kids indulged in as kids years back, i can authoritatively say, with all the conviction in my digestive system, if you never did any of these or heard any of these then you should join Michael Jackson in singing "have you seen my childhood..." because of a truth eh, YOU MISS!!!

DID YOU EVER....

1- kill earthworms with salt?
2- play rubber band? and when one rubber climbs the other we scream "odo" lwkmd
3- bath outside or in the rain? personally i broke a tooth playing in the rain
4- hear about India vs Nigeria in football matches. the line was that their balls turned to lions and            when the Nigerian keeper sees it, he runs away and they will score 99 - 1... remember?
5- sleep in the sitting room and wake up in the room?
6- throw your milk teeth on the roof ?
7- play monkey post or police and thief for the guys and ten ten or tinko tinko for the ladies ?
8- fly kite? the ones with newspaper, those thick brooms and eba OR the kites with nylon , brooms          and thread? while flying they get cut in NEPA wires and you will have to abandon it
9- stick your foot inside sand and build houses with them?
10- write your name on a small sheet of paper and insert it into your pen so no one will steal it?
11- close and open the fridge door slowly to see the lights turn off or on? i thought i was the only one       doing this sha lolzz
12- wave at white birds flying in the sky singing "lekeleke give me......" expecting your nails to have         patches of white on them?
13- mix garri and sugar in your pocket and eat it while walking on the street. (if you did this you are a       king in the kpako kingdom i swear)
14- play mama and papa? cooking with sand and leaves and empty cans as pot. (this was where many       of you discovered your sexuality if you can remember lolzz)
15- play table soccer with bottle covers and empty sugar containers?
16- play koso? a mix of biro and battery cover
17- fall inside dirty gutter and the kids in your area come out singing "aluwe o ja bo si gutter..."

    Do you remember doing most of these? i dare say that if you did all, we should crown you the King of Kpako kids , but well most of us actually did do all hahahaha but i hope it put some form of smile on your face. If you have more you can share with us.